


Goodnight

by Crazyaniknowit



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, F/M, I love fluff and happy stuff but I did it anyway :(, I'm a jerk, Levi is sad, Reminiscing, i is sorry, sad fic, why do I do this to myself?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7700620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyaniknowit/pseuds/Crazyaniknowit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~ <br/>  "Do you remember when we met?" <br/>   He can't, at first, it feels like he's known her forever, and he has, for at least a third of his life. But the thought does come to him after a moment. He remembers her manic face, her shitty glasses and just how annoying he always thought she was. ~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodnight

Her face is the first thing he registers. Her stupid...wonderful, _perfect_ four-eyed face. As usual, she has a grin on her lips, as if the world isn't torn and trampled beneath the feet of tyrannical monsters. And as if humanity isn't fighting every day to recover what little dignity they can back from the Titans. Yet, for once, her grin doesn't make him scowl, he wants to smile too. He wants to see the world from her point of view.

She opens a hand and he doesn't hesitate to take it. She begins to lead him, and he walks right with her. He is surprised when he realizes that she is wearing a dress. A long, frilly, carefree white dress. The fabric only hugs her body on her shoulders, the rest billows around her in graceful waves. She doesn't wear dresses, at least that he's ever seen. From what she told him, she's most comfortable in pants. And despite the fact that he rather likes her in her soldier's outfit, he finds he prefers the dress just slightly.

She comes to a stop and turns to face him, her eyes shining with a strange, twisted mixture of nostalgia and sadness. "Do you remember this place?" she asks, looking directly into his eyes.

He blinks, he had not noticed where they were going, he was so enthralled with her image. He glances around and observes their surroundings. They are just outside Wall Sina. He can just barely recognize _that_ stone, _that_ particular tree the view, and _that_ little bubbling brook. "It's where I first kissed you?" he asks, hoping she can clarify.

Her face softens into a happier smile, and she nods, "It's not where we met, though. Do you remember when we met?"

He can't, at first, it feels like he's known her forever, and he has, for at least a third of his life. But the thought does come to him after a moment. He remembers her manic face, her shitty glasses and just how annoying he always thought she was. However, now that he's enlightened as to who she is, and what her true personality is like, he can only look back in fondness. He remembers how she buzzed around him with questions and long, hastily spoken theories (a fact he finds endearing now). Her hazel eyes shone so brightly and she was ecstatic about him.

Now he wonders if it was because she liked him, or if it was just because of what she had said. That she admired the fact that he changed the style and developed his own method of killing Titans. "Tch.." he lets out a small scoff, his lips twitching upwards at the corners into a hesitant smile.

"You do, don't you." she doesn't ask, it isn't a question, so he doesn't have to answer. He sighs at the memory and follows her as she begins to move again. The space around them seems to follow her command, and she's standing before the gates of the Karanese District. He looks up and feels a pain in his chest, a familiar, deep, excruciating pain. They don't speak, and he's grateful, as he knows exactly why he feels this way.

"You said it'd be the last mission for a while. Then you were going to finally marry me." she whispers, and her head turns to look at him over her shoulder.

"Yeah." is all he says, thinking of that day is too easy, he remembers every moment with absolute clarity. He wishes he _doesn't_...

"We both had too much confidence I suppose." she says, a hand reaching up to swipe her bangs from her eyes.

He bites his lip, they _did_ have too much confidence, confidence in the fact that they would both always return. Confidence that Titans could never harm them, or that nothing could go wrong. But it did. His gaze flicks over to her, and he can see she's shaking with the effort of holding back her tears. "It's my fault." he says.

She sighs at that, "No, it's no one's fault. It can't ever be, it was an accident."

He isn't reassured, and he becomes uncomfortable when the backs of his eyes sting. He looks at her with pain in his expression and she gives him an assuring smile. She then moves closer and pulls him into a hug. He stiffens, overwhelmed with how real she seems, from her special scent (of paper and ink and that one, damn tea he can never remember the name of...earl grey, chamomile?) right down to that one, secret scar that hides below her ear. "You aren't here, are you?" he asks. And he returns the hug, despite how painful he knows it will feel later. He buries his face into her shoulder, and his own shoulders tremble from the effort of holding his emotions at bay.

She shakes her head, and for once he is wishing for her to argue that point. "No."

At that he closes his eyes and sighs, only opening them when he feels her pull back and press soft lips against his forehead. "I loved you, and I still do...always remember that." she says, smiling tenderly. Her form begins to shimmer, and before he knows it she's gone.

•

•

He opens his eyes and looks around, the reality of what he dreamt comes crashing down on him in an instant. He sits up and rests his head in his palm. He is not an emotional man, but he can't help one single, solitary tear leaving his eyes. No doubt he barely has any left to spare over her expense. It's been nearly half a year since that day, the day Hanji Zoë died.

It wasn't at the hands of a Titan, as one might have thought due to her rather reckless and carefree nature when it came to them. But rather, a gear malfunction. No one could have predicted it, but he was there when it happened. She was flying with him through the trees, everything seemed normal. The grapples of her 3DMG worked perfectly, embedding into the bark of any tree she needed to help her fly.

He had heard her gasp and the eerie, mechanical whirring as her gear froze up on her. He heard the way her voice pleaded for someone to help her as she began to plummet. Never in his life had he ever been so shocked, so horrified to see it happen. He thinks his reflexes were slow, and yet he had gone as fast as his gear would allow, rushing to catch her. He remembers with a lump in his throat how their fingers barely brushed. Her face lit up, and her last gift to him was a smile of relief. He cringes as he remembers the sharp snap of her body as the single grapple she had fired before the accident caught her just too harshly.

He sighs and gets out of bed, going to his dresser to retrieve her Scouts emblem. They had (thankfully) been able to bring her body back home and give her a proper ceremony. But he took the emblem despite it.

Before he took it, he had cut her wires and lowered her limp form to the ground, shaking her shoulder. He called her name, but her eyes didn't so much as flutter in response. Her chest was still, so he had pressed his hands against it like he was taught pushing rhythmically His teeth grit together as moved, and he had leaned over, opening her mouth and filling her lungs with air. His ear pressed to her paling skin and listened for her heart, but there was nothing there. Nothing at all. She was gone. And she wasn't ever coming back. He could only sit and stare as he registered that it had happened again, that he lost someone _again_.

That was when the tears started, he couldn't hold them back like he did with the old Squad Levi. He had sat and cried, for what felt like half an hour, before he decided not to linger. There was no reason to stay and be eaten by a Titan anyways, she would want him to live. He had lifted her body into his arms and maneuvered away into the trees. Acknowledging, but not yet accepting the fact that he would never hear her voice again.

The medics said she might have survived if she wasn't so high up, or if the wire was shorter before it froze. The "what if's" didn't help, though. The whiplash killed her. They had assured him her death was instant, but somehow it still wasn't any comfort.

Now, as he stares at the emblem, he sighs deeply and moves to sit on his bed. His grip tightens around it and he sags forward, tired, sad, and guilt-ridden. He misses it. Misses seeing her face, feeling her hair when he wakes on those special mornings when they had spent the night conjoined beneath the sheets. He misses her shitty glasses, her obsession with the Titans. He misses _her_.

Her face, chocolate hair, hazel eyes, and only _everything_ about her. He remembers his dream with a frown, and the thought makes him wonder if ghosts are real. A scoff escapes his lips at the brief thought. Of course not. But it's comforting to believe, in a small, nearly insignificant way, that she might be watching over him. Maybe not as a ghost, she seemed more like an angel in his subconscious. However, it was just a dream.

In the end, thinking about them, how things used to be, it won't change anything. He decides he is finally ready to accept it, no matter how painful it is. No matter how much he loved her, how much he _still_ loves her, he knows he can't live in regret like this. So he tells himself, he finally admits it to the silence of his room. "Hanji Zoë is dead, and she isn't coming back." he whispers.

At that, he brings the emblem to his face and presses his lips to it, "But I'll still miss you." is the last thing he murmurs to it before he carefully places it on his nightstand. He gets back in bed, uncertain of his future, but he knows that he should look back on the good times. The times where that woman could make him grin when no one else could. The times she made him angry, sad, or unbelievably happy, they all seem like good memories when he considers them now. And his face twinges into the smallest smile at the memory of her flushed face in the sunlight on that one day outside Wall Sina. The day he had abandoned all propriety and just kissed her. It is probably his favorite memory.

Even if what he saw was just a dream, he feels like she approves of his actions tonight. Like she understands he needs to let go and move on, and she's proud of him for it. Proud of him for continuing on in his life, for still fighting, and for just living. "Goodnight, Hanji." he says to the emblem, for what will be the only time.

He can see her smile, even her her voice, and he falls asleep, finally free of burden.

_"Goodnight, Levi..."_

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing this ;^;


End file.
